As a parent of two young daughters, ages 8 and 17, I understand the immense responsibility mothers have in raising girls. My girls look to me for guidance, support, and unconditional love as they grow into strong, capable women.
In my 20 years as a certified parenting practitioner and healthcare professional, I’ve discovered that girls have unique needs that only a mother can provide. My experiences combined with research have shown that there are 12 critical things girls need from their moms while growing up.
1. She Needs You to Be Her Confidante
A daughter needs her mother to be someone she can confide in about anything without judgement. Mothers should make themselves emotionally available and create a safe space for daughters to share their feelings, worries, and experiences.
As the first primary female relationship in a daughter’s life, a mother sets the foundation for how comfortable she will be confiding in other women later in life. When mothers are open, understanding, and trustworthy, it teaches daughters the value of female friendships.
Be Her Safe Space
From puberty to first crushes, be the person your daughter knows she can tell anything without judgement. Create an environment where she feels heard and supported as she navigates new experiences.
2. She Needs You to Believe in Her
Daughters gain confidence and a sense of capability when their mother believes in them unequivocally. When you tell your daughter she can accomplish her dreams, it plants the seed of belief within her.
According to the Girl Scouts, 76% of girls say their mother is their biggest cheerleader. Your unwavering belief and confidence in your daughter’s abilities positively impacts her self-esteem.
Support her talents, praise her effort, and encourage her to reach for her goals. Your belief in her capabilities gives her the confidence to believe in herself.
Celebrate Every Achievement
Whether she brings home an A on a difficult test or learns how to bake cookies, make sure to celebrate your daughter’s wins, big and small. Your pride will motivate her to keep reaching higher.
3. She Needs You to Instill Self-Worth
In the age of social media, girls face immense pressure to meet unrealistic beauty standards. As her mother, it is vital to teach your daughter that her self-worth is not defined by appearance, likes, followers, or boys’ attention.
Remind her regularly that her value comes from within. Compliment her character, intelligence, talents, and heart. Build her self-esteem by praising her efforts, progress, and unique qualities.
You Are Her Mirror
Your daughter sees herself through your eyes. When you demonstrate through words and actions that you value her inner beauty, she will learn to as well.
4. She Needs You to Allow Her to Fail
As mothers, our instinct is to protect our daughters from disappointment. However, failure is a vital part of development and building resilience. Do not swoop in to solve all her problems – she needs to experience falling short, messing up, and trying again.
Within reason and with guidance, allow your daughter to make mistakes, face consequences, problem solve, and learn from failure. Adopt a mindset of “you will fail, and when you do, I will help you back up.” Teach her that mistakes help her grow.
Be Her Safety Net
When your daughter does stumble, be her soft place to land. Listen, empathize, provide perspective, and assure her that you still believe in her. Your support will give her the courage to get back up.
5. She Needs Quality Time with You
Make spending one-on-one time with your daughter a priority. Regularly set aside time to connect through shared activities you both enjoy. Conversations will happen organically when you are engaged in a mutual hobby or experience.
Girls recognize quality time as a symbol of your love and acceptance. Dinners out, spa days, bike rides, volunteering, road trips – the activity matters less than your presence. Remove distractions and give your daughter your undivided attention.
Make Time for Traditions
Establish special mother-daughter traditions like monthly book club, Sunday brunch dates or annual camping trips. These meaningful rituals become cherished memories.
6. She Needs You to Model Self-Care
Mothers are often so busy taking care of others that they neglect caring for themselves. However, modeling self-care teaches your daughter the importance of looking after her mental, emotional, and physical health.
Practice self-care in front of your daughter – from healthy eating, exercising, and setting boundaries to finding time for hobbies, friends, and rest. Teach her that taking care of herself is essential to being the best version of herself.
Tend to Your Own Garden
Just as you remind your daughter to drink water and get enough sleep, remember to hydrate and rest yourself. She learns most from your actions.
7. She Needs You to Set Limits with Love
An essential part of parenting is setting boundaries and limits for your daughter’s health and safety. However, it is just as key to enforce those rules with empathy, care, and an understanding of her developmental stage.
As her mother, you have more influence over your daughter’s behavior than anyone. When correcting missteps, be thoughtful of tone and language to guide, not shame, punish or belittle. Explain your reasoning – she needs to understand the why behind the rules.
Lead with Gentleness
When your daughter tests boundaries, respond calmly. She is learning – be patient. Listen to her perspective. Progress takes time, not punishment.
8. She Needs You to Teach Healthy Conflict Resolution
Your daughter is always observing how you handle disagreements and challenging situations. Model open, respectful communication, compromise, and conflict resolution within your relationships.
Teach her to express her feelings and needs clearly, actively listen and validate others’ perspectives, brainstorm solutions, and find common ground – all without judgment or personal attacks.
Equip your daughter to handle conflict maturely in all relationships, from friends to partners.
Foster Empathy
Remind your daughter to see disagreements from the other’s point of view. With understanding comes solutions.
9. She Needs Your Complete Honesty
As your daughter matures, speak candidly about your experiences as a girl, teen, and woman – including mistakes, regrets, challenges and triumphs. Your honesty provides invaluable insight.
Have open discussions about “taboo” topics like sex, drugs, dating, friendships, body image, societal pressures, mental health, and more. She needs you to give her the real, uncensored truth so she can learn from your wisdom.
She Needs the Real You
Perfection is an illusion. Do not be afraid to share your humanity. The most valuable stories are the real ones.
10. She Needs You to Teach Her to Use Her Voice
As women, we are often conditioned not to take up much space, but your daughter needs to know her voice and needs are important. Teach her to speak up respectfully for herself and what she believes in.
Empower your girl to think critically, question harmful norms, advocate for change when something feels wrong, and unapologetically express her perspective. Remind her that her feelings and views matter – even when others disagree.
Speak Up
When you stay silent, your daughter learns to minimize her voice. When you use your voice unabashedly, she learns the power of doing the same.
11. She Needs You to Let Her Outgrow You
A mother’s role is to nurture her daughter and then step aside to let her live her own life. Your child’s path may look different from the one you envisioned, but it is not your place to intervene.
Your job is to water her growing roots, not control the direction they spread. With unconditional love and an open heart, allow your daughter to develop her own identity apart from you. Let her make her own choices along the way – even if you disagree.
Trust in the strong foundation you have built. With your guidance under her wings, she is ready to fly solo on her own journey. Your greatest success as a mother is raising an independent daughter.
She Needs Your Blessing
When she strays from the path you expected, as long as she is thriving and safe, bless the journey anyway. This is her adventure now.
12. She Needs a Spiritual Anchor
Culture and media constantly shift and bend girls’ sense of right and wrong. That is why mothers must provide a steady spiritual anchor rooted in positive values.
Model integrity through your own actions. Instill timeless morals like empathy, charity, selflessness, patience, respect, honesty, loyalty, courage, and perseverance. Share spiritual resources and practices. Anchor her in faith and wisdom greater than herself.
Tend Her Spirit
Nourish her inner light through moral teachings, rituals, community, and your own example. A well-tended spirit can endure any storm.
13. She Needs to Know She is Cherished
Your daughter needs to feel loved and accepted by you for exactly who she is, at every age. Make sure she never questions your unconditional devotion through both your words and actions.
Smother her in hugs when she seems standoffish. Celebrate quirks that make her uniquely herself. Display cherished photos of special memories. Surprise her with her favorite treat or gift for no reason except to see her smile.
Leave secret encouraging notes in her lunchbox, backpack, or under her pillow. Regularly verbalize, “You are so cherished.” She will carry your love within her spirit forever.
She Will Love as She is Loved
A daughter cherished by her mother cherishes herself, and knows she deserves nothing less from others. Your devotion lifts her higher.
Conclusion
A mother’s nurture shapes every aspect of a daughter’s life. While each girl is unique, they universally need confidence, trust, limits, honesty, spiritual anchors, and unconditional devotion from their moms.
When you provide her with these 12 essential elements, you are giving your beloved daughter the priceless gifts of inner happiness, resilience, and power to reach her fullest potential, no matter where her path leads.
As a fellow mother on this journey of raising girls, I understand both the immense joy and responsibility. Stay encouraged knowing that the Strong, Compassionate, Empowered woman your daughter will become is already seeded within her – you simply tend and nourish her growth each day.
You were once a daughter too. What did you need most from your mother? I would love to hear your experiences in the comments!